At the Harvard bookstore on the square, I was holding up under my chin a sweatshirt with the letters MIT centered on the chest. I already had a Harvard veritas shirt and wanted one to remember my visit to MIT by the river. As I pondered whether the sweatshirt would be large enough, a rude man stood behind me and said to me, in the mirror, “Are you an alumni of MIT?” The implication was that, if not, I should not wear the sweatshirt.
In my mind I said, “It’s alumnus, jerk.” Alumni is the masculine plural, acceptable for graduates of co-ed institutions. But the male singular (me) is alumnus and the female singular is alumna. In the spirit of the Proverb directing that a fool be answered according to his folly, I pretended to be retarded and pointed to the reflection in the mirror. I said to him very slowly, “No, I’m not smart like you, but my name is TIM. What’s your name?”
He got away as quickly as he could.